His Purpleness!!

With the release of Prince's new album...I have jumped back into my obsession...moved back into a purple world, and fallen RIGHT back in love with him. Some have told me he's gay, and quite frankly - I DON'T CARE...I am in love with the Purple One, and ALWAYS will be!! I had to have my Dad talk me out of spending $2100 on his Opus Book, complete with Prince iPod pre-loaded with all kinds of exclusive Prince stuff...and seeing as there were only 950 being made worldwide, and by purchasing one, you have the chance with win $21,000...I saw it as a good deal...however my Dad begged to differ!! :(

I instead picked up his 21 Nights book from Chapters, complete with a CD with some of the live sessions from his 21 Nights tour in London last year...it's AMAZING, I LOVE seeing him live, his shows are uncomparable...it's a live, 2 hour, jazzy, jam session, and for 2 hours, I am mesmorized!! I can't WAIT for him to tour to support this album (which it is rumored he will) - I cannot WAIT!! I will be in the front row EVERY single night he plays in Toronto...

Onto other things...

I found out this week my Grandfather has Melanoma...which made me ANGRY at first, because he has had this nasty growth on his cheek for a while, and only recently went to go get it checked out - and sure enough - it's skin cancer...so now he has to get it removed, and because he let it grow so big and because it's been there for a while, they have to dig out more than they would have if he would have went right when we all TOLD him to go. So now the surgery will also include some plastic surgery. Also, further testing needs to be done to make sure he doesn't have cancer anywhere else in his body. That will also mean that he will likely have to go through chemo and possibly radiation...I guess I am more mad about the whole situation because he was so negligent - and KNOWING that my Grandmother's first husband died of cancer...and to be so negligent...is inexcusable in my opinion (and that's what this is all about right...my opinion???) - Any the who - at least now he has checked it out and will be moving forward with trying to fix everything and getting better...I am going to go see him this weekend with most of the rest of the family - so we will see what happens.

On a whole, I have just been feeling down and out lately - I think I have starting running myself a bit ragged, and it's just been taking it's toll...that along with the fact that MAYBE I'm getting older, and it's just time to scale back how much and how often I am going out...and maybe how much I drink too...I HATE the hangover feeling I get, and I get it way too often I think...and being a child of an alcoholic, I guess I am scaring myself lately that I am going to turn into my Mom...which I do NOT want - so scaling back the alcohol is priority #1...priority #2, putting aside some more money so I can move out of my basement apartment and into something a little bit more comfortable and that feels a bit more like 'mine'...priority #3, now that the weather is FINALLY looking up - time for those evening walk/jogs I've been meaning to start for ages now...it's time I took care of me first...so to some friends, this will mean seeing me less often...my apologies...however...I have recently felt stress levels that I haven't felt since I was with my ex...and I won't live like that anymore...I am living a stress free - and HAPPY life...so if that means taking ALOT more 'Me' time - then THAT's the way the cookie crumbles peeps!! Fo Rizzle!!

Alright - that's my rant for the day - back to work for me now!!

XoXo - Love you all madly!!
Amanda

Today...

I am tired, a little bit hung over, cranky, bitchy, and all-over annoyed. That's all...

Happy Fuckin' Friday

It's FRIDAY BITCHES!! Thank the Lord above...I need this - I need this weekend...to relax, get back on track and not feel as drained anymore.

Had a LOVELY Friday afternoon lunch with one of my bestest buddies...grabbed a few new CD's for my collection at the local Futility Shop (Future Shop) - One of which is Kings of Leon - I need to brush up on my K.O.L. knowledge for our concert on April 21st!! I can't wait for that date!! Which of course is a few days after my 29th birthday...Believe it or not - I am MORE excited for my 29th birthday than I have been for any other in a long time. Probably because I finally feel so free and clear from all the drama and hassles that have plagued my life over the last few years...I'm broken up from the loser that I spent WAY too long with, I'm living on my own, getting money in the bank, and generally just moving forward in a very happy way!! Been going to the gym, been working REALLY hard on my eating habits (it's not as easy as everyone seems to make it out to be :( ) - but I am working on it all - and slowly but surely I AM going to get there!!

To be quite honest - I am happier really than I've ever been!! Maybe I just don't NEED a man in my life to make me happy. Who knows - maybe I am just not ready to let someone back in - maybe that's all...All I know is - it's almost illegal to be this happy all the time :) I love it!!

Today has rocked sofar - as most Friday's do - it's almost 5pm!! Can't wait!! Come on 5:00!!!

Too many bad decisions??

Have you ever sat back and looked at your life and thought...maybe I have just made too many bad decisions in my life...

I am a good person - I am funny, I am fabulous, I love myself, and I am happy with where I am right now - and where I am going...I am satisfied, I am content, and I know I am doing the right thing.

But have you ever sat back and re-thought portions of your life and thought about how things could be different, if you did things differently?? Although very happy with my life right now - I strongly believe that if different choices had been made, I would be at a very different point in my life... maybe not as happy as I feel generally right now - but certain things would be different.

I guess I'm unhappy though - with alot of the bad decisions I have made over the years...picking the wrong guy, spending money stupidly, not taking enough care of myself, and not putting my health first and foremost. I am putting all those things in order and in perspective now, but it's taken me a long time to get here, and to this realization. So some days I can't help but wonder, if I had made the right decision for me at the time, instead of just doing what I thought was right, or would be socially accepted, etc, etc, or what would give me a temporary high and a temporary sense of happiness and acceptance, then maybe I wouldn't be here, maybe I would be better off?? But then again, maybe I would be worse off - who the heck knows!!

All this questioning probably isn't a good thing - and probably isn't necessarily the right thing to do - so I know I should stop questioning myself. But I think everyone - at some point or another - questions some of the decisions they have made in life...and wonders what they could have done differently to make their lives better in some way.

I am thankful though - for what I have everyday now - now I am finally starting off from where I should have been a long time ago...and the endless opportunities for new, happy memories, are overwhelming, and amazing :)

I FEEL YOU..........

Depeche Mode...Ahh, Depeche Mode...how they make me happy and content :) And they are coming to the Molson Ampitheatre this summer. Along with Def Leppard, Poison & Cheap Trick (All on one bill) - and yes, I am going to that concert too!! Mock as you will - however, these bands all rock, and I can't WAIT to rock out to them this summer!!

Work has been KILLER lately!! So sorry to all you followers of this Blog (Am I still only at one?? Haha!!) It's good to be this busy though - it's good to still have a job, and that's the whole point!!

I feel so naked lately without my camera around me :( I have been having to rely on the photographic skills of others lately, and that leaves me feeling empty. I am planning on picking myself up a new camera ASAP - no more of this no camera mumbo jumbo business!! I can't take it any longer!! Ok - I just opened a new tab and did my browsing for a new camera, done and DONE!! I am happy with my choice!! Going to pick it up tonight!! Woot Woot!! I won't feel 'naked' anymore!!

I have made the first step towards changing the color of my hair. You will have to see new pics of it after my outings this weekend :) Tee Hee!! It's very exciting!! It isn't exactly the color I was going for, however, it looks fantastic and I am SUPER happy with it!! It's more of a caramel base color with some blonde highlights. I'm REALLY happy with the outcome, considering what they had to do and where they had to work from. I mean, we are talking BLACK color in my ends!! It's nuts!!

So, being in this new found skin that I have found myself in for the last few months...I have to say that I have never felt more comfortable, I have never felt happier, and I have never felt so free!! I really, really enjoy being the person that I have become, and am excited at all the possibilities that being single right now are bringing to me. I am definitely not looking to rush myself into settling down...however, it doesn't hurt to have your eyes open and see what's out there. I am enjoying myself, and that is the point, and the key to all of my happiness. I have another Vegas trip on the horizon with my BEST girls, and can't WAIT to get back there to release the 'NO MORE JEFF EVER' Steam...Not that I haven't already done that!! But I get to do it for REAL now, because if it ain't done in Vegas, it ain't real...LMAO - I totally made that up!!

Some thoughts and opinions on all the drama in the news of late:

1) Chirs Brown and Rihanna - Honstly - BREAK UP!!! The Dude busted your face because he has anger management problems - PERIOD...and regardless of whether you love him, you started it, someone sent him a text and it sent you into a mad jealous rage, or WHATEVER the case may be!! The man has NO RIGHT to bust your face up like that, put you in the hospital, and then you go running back like a scared little puppy because you feel you can't live without him - WTF!!?? Not COOL!!
2) OCTOMOM - First of all - the name makes me laugh...she sounds like a woman with 8 tentacles that are going to come and get you if you aren't careful...however, any single Mom with 14 kids, better have more than just two arms to take care of THAT SHIZ!! Honestly - the Dr. who did the IVF for her, should be put in a line and shot...ARE YOU THAT DENSE!!?? At what point is a woman just desperate to be preggo, or desperate to have kids...For REALZ!!?? Honestly - That woman should have NEVER been assisted in this last pregnancy - and judging by different clips I have seen online...she is about 6 months away from pulling a Britney and going nutso!! Good Luck to her...but seriously - she needs help...

Well, I've written this entry off and on all day today - time for me to finally post and head out the door. I am off to meet a great old friend of mine for dinner!! Sofie - aka - Plugs!!

TTFN Ya'll, TTF-mutha-fuckin'-N!!

Feelings...nothing more than...Feelings...

Well, well, well...I'm back in the saddle again, ain't that for sure - almost 5 posts in about a month - I'm back up to where I wanted to be originally, but never actually got - LOL!!

Sunday night was Oscar night *SWOON* - how I LOVED the Oscars this year!! My friend had me over to her place where everyone dressed up as a character from any of the nominated films. I was Angelina Jolie from Changeling...and no, I didn't get any pictures, however, my lovely Joanna did, and I am waiting ever so patiently for them so I can pass them along to my friends who all want to know what I looked like that evening. It was the best Oscar party ever, everyone pitched in $10 to make their Oscar picks, and the winner took the pot. So aside from all the characters, the pot, the food, there were the actual Oscars, which in my opinion, ROCKED this year!! They were super fun and were so emotional I found. Where you had 5 past oscar winners in the Best Actor/Actress and Best Supporting Actor/Actress categories handing out the awards to the this years winner. And speaking personally to each nominee, talk about emotion!! It was fantastic though - I throughly enjoyed it :D - Kudos to Slumdog Millionaire, what a great movie, and with 8 awards, it's sort of undeniable!!

To follow up on my rant from last week - we did get paid...however it was only payroll - NOT our bonuses. These have now been promised to us on our March 6th pay - so Paws Crossed that it comes in then...I have to do something with this maine in a way of color, and I have a feeling it will cost me an arm and a leg, hence why I need the damn bonus!! I am actually just looking forward to getting it and paying off my ex so we literally have no reason for communication anymore. I can't WAIT for that day. Although it has been well over a month since we have spoken - so I am happy about that too!!

I am just looking forward on my Calendar to next month (March) - and there isn't too much going on at this point - few big things to look forward to, St. Patty's Day, Dirty Dancing, and a movie night with my cousin/best friend and her BFF Dawn. Some fun stories to come I'm sure!!

I'm mostly just looking forward to the fact that the warmer weather is coming and we can soon look into booking our yearly Vegas trip. We have held off thus far, but I would like to have it booked by my birthday (April 18th) - so we know when we will actually be going. But I will put some more pressure on the girls next month - when we are getting closer to finally deciding when we are going to go. Oh, how I can't wait to be back in Las Vegas with my favorite girls!! But thinking a little bit closer to home, it will be great when I can leave work, and hit up some of my favorite patios with some of my favorite people for some drinks, some fun and some real great conversation!! Oh, how I love those long summer nights!! And I can't wait to have 'em back!!

Also coming up, is my 29th birthday. I am actually pretty excited for my birthday this year...because it's the first year I don't have to worry about being disappointed by a loser boyfriend!! :) However, it will mean a big challenge when the birthday celebrations are all over!! As I have ALOT of goals I want to acheive before I'm 30 - so I've got a year and a bit from now to make 'em happen!! I am GOING to make them happen!!

I am ALSO, finally going back to the gym. I make sure to go earlier in the evening, as to avoid the ex, but I am really enjoying it right now, and because I am still starting, I need some more time for it to become habit forming. But, I am also teaming it with eating better...smaller portions, more often, better foods, WAY less carbs (not NO Carbs, because that is dumb, but less carbs, and better carbs)...and generally just paying much better attention to what I put into my body. The next thing will be sleep - and trying hard to get my sleep patterns under control (Ie, going to be earlier, getting up earlier)...Which is why this Biatch can not WAIT for Daylight Savings time!! LOL!! But being back at the gym is sort of the final straw in me feeling that I am taking my life back and taking back what I was missing out on while I was with Jeff. While I was with him I always tried to go to the gym, but most of the time couldn't because his Mom or someone else needed me. And there were even nights where I had gotten all dressed and ready to go to the gym, and then JEFF, would leave to go to the gym and ask me to stay home to 'take care of his Mom' - honestly - the woman is 45 - she can DAMN WELL take care of herself!! So in the end, the last part of me breaking free, and feeling I am who I want to be, is going back to the gym, which is what I have done now. I am SO PROUD of myself in my post-break up world!! I am being all the things I really want to be, and it's all worthwhile!! Over, and over I realize, it was the best decision I EVER made!!

ARRRRrrrrrgggghhhh!!

This is a really quick rant!!

My new parent company really needs to get their SHIT together...

1) We are supposed to be paid tomorrow for the first time - as of now (1:50pm - Thursday) - they don't even know if we are getting our pay auto-deposited, if they are sending wire-transfers, or if we are receiving cheques. GREAT!!!

2) Due to all this confusion - they have decided to delay our signing bonuses by 2 weeks, so now we will be receiving them on the 6th of March...Well GEE, I'm glad I didn't plan a weekend trip to Vegas with the bonus!! MOTHER FUCKER!!

HONESTLY - it bugs the SHIT out of me that I have been putting the pressure on them for the last 2 weeks to make sure everything happens smoothly...and last week got told to 'back off' by my VP of Operations because 'We are dealing with a big US Tel Co Amanda, they will figure it out...' - Well CLEARLY they haven't - as at the 11th hour, they STILL don't have their shit together. All I know is, I had BETTER get paid tomorrow - one way or the other!! I am SO ANGRY!!

V-Day Weekend...

Although Single now...I had quite literally - the best Valentine's Day Weekend ever!!

Friday night, Friday the 13th (and I love that there is another one next month)...I met up with my Best Friend Rikki, and we took her daughter Ayres to church. It was such a nice experience to take Ayres there. And to help nurture a child in the church and to start teaching her the ways of being a catholic - was really nice :) She was well behaved for the most part...but there was one point where she started acting out a bit, and Rikki was getting upset with her. I then asked Ayres to come sit with me, and then she just curled right up beside me, gave me a big hug and told me she loved me. It was so nice, and so sweet - and a really tender moment between me and Ayres. She sat with me for the rest of mass, and came up with me for the Eucharist, it was really nice :) I throughly enjoyed our evening @ church...it was really a special time for us...and I am glad to know that it is something that Rikki and I (and Ayres) can share together :)

Saturday was TOTALLY FUN!! Saturday I had an overnight visit booked @ Jungle Cat world with my friend Lisa. We left Brampton around 3pm, to drive up to Orono. We brought pizza for dinner, snacks, booze (of course booze!!), and some girly movies, some red nail polish (haha), and ourselves. Honestly - I couldn't have asked for a better Valentine's Day. We had SO MUCH FUN...just two single girls, excited to be together and having fun, and enjoying each other's company. We really just knocked it out of the park on Saturday night...Took TONS of fun pictures, and really just made sure we let each other know, that with our without a man, we could have an amazing Valentine's Day...LOL, we both said that it would be hard for any man to top that for each of us, ever!! LOL!! Sunday morning we had breakfast and just chilled...was so much fun ;-)

Sunday night I went out with my friend Melanie and her friend Hilary...we went to Luxy nightclub in Woodbridge and had so much fun. Hilary works at the bar, so let's just say, I walked in with $100 in my wallet, and walked out with $100 in my wallet - and that NEVER happens!! EVER!! It was so fun!! And great to have not of spent a DIME!! Haha!!

Monday was SO FUN too!! Went to my friend's Lisa & Jay's and had dinner with them and Adam (aka - Buffalo Bill), then me and Lisa went for an amazing walk around their place...it was so fun, and so nice...and it was good to get out and get my body moving...I needed that, and I really am happy that I have totally committed myself to finally getting back up off my ass and getting my weight under control and my life back in order. I am so proud of myself!! :) I know it was one night - and one long ass walk, but it's sparked the interest in me to continue to do it and to make it a full on priority to get back into shape, and to a weight, or at least, a view on my body, that I can be 100% happy with. It is not all about the nubmers for me...I think now, trying to be as thin as I was in the past, would be wrong for my body size and type. I think now, I am going to work until I feel comfortable again, and until I feel that I am in the shape I want to be in. Then I will work on maintaining it. I love that I have a Best Friend like Lisa who encourages me, challenges me, and let's me be as honest as possible, and is so encouragaing with me...I know I will get to where I need to be...and it's only because I have the faith and encouragement of someone so positive in my life, that I know I will get there...Let's not forget, that now is the right time for me. I am ready to lose the weight that I need to - and I am ready to be back in control of my life, my body, my finances, my happiness...I am ready for all of that...and then, when the time is right - and 'all the stars are aligned' - the right person will pop into my life and just complete everything. That's all...

Okee Dokee - enough for today...

That's just a general update on what this Biatch has been up to - stay tuned...

Ummm - By the way...

Jeff and I are no longer together...as is eluded to in my older posts...there were things that were lacking in my relationship with Jeff...and I am a better person for having left when I did, and for finally starting my own life, making myself happy, and ultimately - getting to where I feel I should have been by this point in my life. And I am no longer going to let a guy hold me back from that, and hold me back from getting there....

Also - the weight issue is still a lingering issue...however, one that is now being addressed, once and for all - and on a level where I don't have to accomidate other people...I only have to accomidate myself.

I am happier now being on my own, happier that I get the opportunity to live my life the way I want to - and happier that I have the chance now, to find the TRUE happiness that I have deserved all along, but was never able to admit to myself that I really deserved it.

This is my life in my late twenties...hang on for more adventures YA'LL!!

Ya...I know...It's been a while...

So, I subscribed to a friend's blog recently - to watch his status and see when he posts, etc, etc...and then remembered...OH YA!!! I had started my own blog!! I forgot that I had started this blog in July 2008 - WOW, I'm a bad blogger eh?? And never really came back to it. So, thanks to Justin, I'm BACK, and on the attack!!

This post won't be too long - as it's my first one back, and ultimately - I'm at work, and shouldn't even be doing this anyways - LOL, but since I just found it - figured I'd jump on it...

Oh, I was just asked to be Godmother to my friend Tanya's baby, Bianca Grace, I am SO HAPPY and honored to have been asked by Tanya and Donnnie to be Bianca's Godmother...I have never been anyone's Godmother before...but I knew that this baby was special to me...I felt a different connection with Bianca than I have with any other child I have ever held and been around before. Bianca has stolen my heart, and will be a part of me always...I can't WAIT for her Baptism day - she will look so precious!! I can't wait :)

Well - back to work - I will write more soon, now that I remember how to get into this silly blog!!

TTFN - Ta Ta For Now!!